"You have to be strategic in highlighting sensitive issues without irritating government officials. If you are seen as a troublemaker ... they will shut your mouth and shut you down. NGOs working to improve Chinese society should not work as if they are in the United States."
Today, I spoke with John Kador, who is a New York Times bestselling author and author of the new book, Effective Apology. In this interview, John discusses how executives can earn more money by apologizing, the significance of the word "sorry," the power of authenticity, some great examples and more.
Here's just one example of how executives who demonstrate the ability to apologize tend to earn more than executives who don't. In my book I describe some research that the Pearl Outlet, an online retailer, conducted. The company noticed that many customers (usually men) often presented pearls as part of an apology (usually to wives and girlfriends). For obvious marketing reasons— "Say you're sorry with pearls!"—the company wanted to know more about this relationship between pearl giving and apology.
The company commissioned a formal study of over 8,000 customers. The survey confirmed that customers who are willing to say "I'm sorry" earned more money—nearly twice as much—as those who rarely or never apologize. Stated another way, customers who earned more than $100,000 a year were twice as likely to apologize after an argument or mistake as those earning $25,000 or less. It turns out that a customer's willingness to apologize is a perfect predictor of their place on the income ladder. In addition, the relationships of those who apologize tend to be better (or at least longer-lasting) than of those who resist apology.
We can interpret these results in many ways. To me, executives who are confident enough to apologize tend to be very good at maintaining relationships. They are also good at accepting responsibility for problems, and, because of that, they are better at fixing them than those who blame others. All of these are the qualities valued and rewarded by any organization.
The meaning of apology is in the action, not the words. You can't talk your way out of a situation you acted your way into. What makes apology so powerful is not what you say, but what you do. Apology must be observable. We should be able to see the action that accompanies the words. For example, saying "I'm sorry" is one thing. What the apologizer does to provide restitution is another.
The other most important action is whether the apologizer changes his or her behavior. If he or she can be seen not to repeat the offending behavior, then the apology is complete. It takes more than words. Every effective apology contains within it the answer to the question, "how is the apologizer to be held accountable for the apology?"
The first thing that authenticity requires—and why the willingness to apologize is such a critical path to harnessing one's true self—is a commitment to face the facts. One of those facts is that we all make mistakes. When we do, we have a choice. We can confront the truth about our imperfection and apologize, or we can deny, defend, and stonewall. When we acknowledge the facts—including those that make us look bad—we are on the road to authenticity.
This is far better than pretending that we are perfect. By acknowledging, naming, and ultimately accepting our mistakes, we embrace our humility and make room for our true selves, imperfect and all too human, just like everyone else. Apology is a way of honoring what we know to be true, while at the same time honoring ourselves and those we care about.
Within months of each other in 2006, two CEOs came under fire for misstating their academic credentials. One CEO was forced to step down while the other is still at the helm. David Edmondson, CEO of RadioShack Corp., admitted that the company's web site gave him a credential he never actually earned. At yellow pages publisher R.H. Donnelley Corp., chairman and CEO David Swanson admitted that he never actually earned a degree from the university he attended, despite what the company said in news releases and what it posted on the web site. The CEO who chose Plan A (RadioShack's Edmonson) was forced to resign while Swanson who chose Plan B is still R.H. Donnelly's CEO.
Edmonson now acknowledges that a candid and immediate apology might well have saved his job. 
Over at R.H. Donnelly, Swanson went to his board before the issue became a public. Swanson accepted total responsibility and apologized. The company nervously issued a news release to correct the record, but it never became a problem. At the time, news reports about the incident praised Swanson for his candor. With hindsight, Edmonson recommends that CEOs incline toward more transparency. "When you own up to your own shortcomings, the fear of whatever you are guarding is released," he says. "Apology frees you from the burden of whatever you have in your past."
If you want an example of a company whose brand was at risk and that regained its credibility, you can look no further than the toy maker Mattel.
A key benefit of apology for leaders is that it reassures people that the leader is on their side. Leaders 
"I started every discussion on the recall with these words: 'I am sorry we are here. I'm sorry this recall happened," says Robert A. Eckert, chairman and CEO of Mattel. "Even though the lead-based toy recalls represented less than 1 percent of all the toys Mattel produced, it should have been zero. I'm sorry you have to worry about this." Eckert just kept on apologizing in person, on TV, and in print. He was even criticized for apologizing too much. But the results supported his commitment to accountability. Many analysts predicted that the Mattel brand would suffer. Instead, the company exceeded revenue expectations.
Just recently an effective apology got me out of a well-deserved ticket when a state trooper pulled me over for speeding.
I was driving on a business trip and hurrying to get to my next appointment. A state trooper pulled me over. "Sir, are you aware you were going 75 miles per hour when the posted speed limit is 55 mph?" he said. Instead of giving an excuse, I decided to admit it and apologize. "Officer, you're right. I was speeding. I'm a guest in your beautiful state and I'm afraid I have abused the privilege. I'm sorry." He looked at me for a minute and I thought I detected a smile and then he said, "Sir, I'm going to issue you a warning today. Please observe the posted speed limits. Drive safe and have a good day."
Of course there's no way to know for sure what the trooper would have done had I not apologized. And had I received a ticket, the fine would have been my restitution. Apology is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. But what are most of us tempted to do when caught doing something wrong? We deny we were speeding or offer excuses or plead for mercy: all attempts to evade responsibility. Here's the paradox of apology: by admitting responsibility and accepting consequences, we often find that the consequences are not as dire as we fear. The world may not be as punitive as we sometimes think it is.
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John Kador is an author, consultant, and speaker who acts as if every word is a moral choice. His work centers on identifying and describing best practices in leadership and promoting the highest standards of personal accountability, humility, and transparency. This book, which describes the benefits that leaders accrue when they embrace apology rather than shy from it, is squarely in that tradition. His personal credo is that different is not always better, but better is always different. He is the author of over 10 books, including Charles Schwab: How One Company Beat Wall Street and Reinvented the Brokerage Industry, 50 High-Impact Speeches & Remarks: Proven Words You Can Adapt for Any Business Occasion, and the NY Times bestseller Net Ready: Strategies for Success in the E-conomy (with Amir Hartman and John Sifonis). His latest book is called Effective Apology.
Today, I spoke with Phil Town, who is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Rule #1 and the upcoming author of Payback Time, which debuts in September. In this interview, Phil tells his own story of how he's build his personal brand to be what it is today. Also, he gives you the secret to getting a book deal and becoming a bestselling author, tells you how to invest in this economy and emphasizes the importance of social media in the world today.
bestselling author and world renowned speaker?I took the path less traveled and followed my dreams. I wanted to be a soldier since I was a kid so I went in the Army and eventually was awarded the famous Green Beret and joined Special Forces. I liked some parts of what I did in Latin America and Vietnam but it wasn't for me so I got out at age 23. I got a job as a whitewater guide because running drugs looked too dangerous.
I loved running rivers, living outside and I did that on a bunch of rivers for ten years. I had a lot of time off season so I started reading philosophy, got stoned a lot to discover the secrets of the universe, turned to meditation instead, lived in India and France in ashrams so I could ponder the absolute and eventually was so absolutely broke I took an offer to apprentice with an investor who taught me the right stuff and then I went off and made my millions. And then wrote about it so you can do it, too.
"The key thing to understand about the publishing industry is that they don't sell books, they publish them."
Since they don't sell books, they look for authors who can sell the books if they publish them. This ability is highly prized. They will pay you a lot of money for your book if you can show them how it will be sold in large enough quantities that they'll not only get their money back but also make a profit. In my case, I had been on a speaker circuit with several seminar producers and over 2 million people had seen me already. Plus, the seminar producers raised their credibility by raising my credibility so they featured me in ads after the book came out and they put the book out to their subscribers …. all of which drove it to #1.
"Here's the marketing tip of the century: create a large group of fans who will buy your book before you write your book."
did you make that helped the most?The decision to learn to speak in public. That led to being in front of people. That led to a book. That led to another book … and that will lead to a bigger audience. And that leads to a lot of fun.
The decision to commit. Commitment brings its own reward - in ways that are unimaginable things happen to speed you on your way. But you must commit.
It is huge. Unimaginably huge. In two years I will not need a stage to speak on. My audience will be connected to me through social media and web 2.0. These are incredible democratizing tools that allow talent and skill to rise to the top. Learn how to use these tools. Do it now.
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Phil Town is the author of Rule #1: The Simple Strategy for Successful Investing in Only 15 Minutes a Week! (Crown Publishing Group, 2006)—the #1 New York Times best-seller and Amazon.com's top-selling business book of 2006. He heads the list of motivational speakers, addressing 500,000 people per year across the nation at the mega-seminar "Get Motivated." An ex-Green Beret and former river guide, Phil is a self-made millionaire several times over. Town usually is found sharing the stage with the likes of President Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell and Zig Ziglar, speaking to groups numbering 20,000. His latest book called Payback Time: How to Outsmart the System That Failed You and Get Your Investments Back on Track, comes out in September.
Jane Told Claire, Claire Told Me
Posted: 18 Apr 2009
Jane P-B, a writer and professor in New York City, told our daughter Claire about a small coffee shop that she found to be remarkable. Claire loved it, too, and told me. I visited the coffee shop this weekend, and found it to be one of the best coffee shops I know of in North America. And, I am sharing with you.
Oh, yes … what's the name of this wonderful coffee shop? 71 Irving Place. That's also the address, just a couple of blocks east of Union Square in Manhattan.
What's so special about 71 Irving Place?
They craft outstanding coffee drinks from their own roasts, and have wonderful tea.They do not sell CDs, espresso machines and breath mints like Starbucks. Starbucks has lost its compass … it's purpose … and has become the Wal-mart of coffee shops. They can learn lessons from 71 Irving Place about how to be a truly exceptional coffee and tea bar that people talk about. It's a simple lesson - be really good at what you do.
Here's their Web site - www.irvingfarm.com.
One of the early believers of the Bab, by the name of Haji Abu'l-Hasan Shirazi shares the following eye-witness account of his journey with the Bab and Quddus from Port of Bushihr to The Holy places of Islam in Arabia in 1844. At the time Haji Abu'l-Hasan was one of the Muslem pilgrims and a year later, when the Bab was brought to the Masjid Vakil for interrogation and humiliation by the government and Moslem clergy, Haji Abu'l-Hasan Shirazi recognised The Bab's station and became a believer. The divine power of meekness emanating from The Bab and the empathic capabilities of thousands of receptive souls was among the many ways that the loving and patient God assisted His ignorant and wayward servants to arise and recognize His new Revelation.
Through out the course of this journey which lasted two months and despite the rough sea, Haji Abu'l-Hasan witnessed the Bab, radiantly revealing verses and Quddus taking down the dictation. This Journey to the Holy cities was particularly full of sufferings for the Beloved Bab. From Bushihr He embarked on a small and crowded ship called Baghleh. Much of the crowd consisted of Persian pilgrims heading for the annual pilgrimage in Mecca.
The leader of the Moslem pilgrims was an ignorant and arrogant man by the name of Shaikh Abu Hashem. He was a power hungry, wicked, egotistic and vicious individual. Soon he became perturbed with jealousy and was burning with anger because the Bab refused to follow his lead in the group prayer. He felt insulted that the Bab did not pay respect to him in front of other pilgrims and missed no opportunity to do everything in his power to steer his group to insult the Bab and cause Him pain. His aggression became so blatant that the ship's captain reprimanded him and warned him about his behavior and told him to leave the Bab alone.
Eventually the ship's captain himself got into a dispute with him and the ignorant Shaikh insulted the Captain. This proved to be a deadly crime on board of a ship and was punishable by death. The captain was enraged and ordered the nasty Shaikh to be thrown into the Sea and off the board of his ship. In this instant the beloved Bab approached the captain and asked for the Shaikh's life to be spared. The captain was furious and could not stop screaming and ordering: "throw this cursed trash overboard".
The Bab knew that the captain was absolutely determined to have the Shaikh thrown into the sea. In order to prevent the Shaikh's execution, the Bab approached the Shaikh and tightly embraced His enemy to stop the Captain from killing him while asking the captain to pardon the Sheikh for His sake and release the Sheikh to Him. The captain was perplexed by the Bab's extraordinary action and his heart was touched by the Bab's request. He commented to the Bab that this cursed man has been hurting you more than any one else and of all people you should welcome his death. The Bab replied "These people are only hurting themselves, it is becoming for us to have a sin covering eye."
This intercession of the Bab and the radiance of His unconditional love awakened the ignorant and warmed the hearts of those who were sincere on board of the ship to the extend that they changed their behavior towards the Bab and from then on offered Him their utmost respect.
In one of His prayers the Bab reveals an unprecedented and unimaginable mystery about how God confers His blessings upon a servant when He so chooses and also how He ordains evil for a servant for raising against His Will and committing injustice.
"Indeed shouldst Thou desire to confer blessing upon a servant Thou wouldst blot out from the realm of his heart every mention or disposition except Thine Own mention; and shouldst Thou ordain evil for a servant by reason of that which his hands have unjustly wrought before Thy face, Thou wouldst test him with the benefits of this world and of the next that he might become preoccupied therewith and forget Thy remembrance."
- The Báb
Be awake
Keyvan
Story Translated by Keyvan from Payam-i Bahá'í
Posted: 14 Apr 2009
You will have to forgive me if this is against proper netiquette, but I am going to blog about one of my own articles. It's one I wrote about after a trip to flood-affected areas of northern Namibia, telling the story of Helvy, a 84-year old great grandmother. I met her in a relocation camp, where her village had moved after their homes were submerged when the nearby river burst its banks.
Almost six hundred people are living in the camp, five or six families in each tent. They have to sleep on the hard ground, and at night when it gets colder, only a few have blankets to cover them. There are two taps in the whole camp, and the Red Cross has built three temporary toilets on the outskirts. They have lost not only their homes, but also their fields of maize and sorghum. So, not only is this year's harvest gone, but next year's one is lost too, because the seeds for next year come from this year.
Through an interpreter, she told me about the night they had to abandon their home and escape to the camp. She told me that they had lost most of their possessions and their food and about how scared she had been. Then she gave me a blinding smile, and said "But I am blessed. My family is safe, I am safe, and we are together. I am very thankful to God".
I was taken aback. After all this hardship, shouldn't she be bitter and miserable? Shouldn't she be bemoaning her fate, instead of being thankful? I kept thinking about her all day, humbled by her radiant acquiescence, her detachment from material things, and her love for her family. She seemed to epitomise what the Baha'i Writings tell us about tests and difficulties:
For what can dark doubts do with the light of guidance, or clouds with the shining moon? Tests and trials only cause agitation to weak hearts. But the pure souls, a hundred thousand tests are but to them like mirage, imagination and shadow.
Praise be to God that thou hast kept steadfast with all firmness under the millstone of tests like unto a grain of diamond. Be not grieved; tests lead to the development of holy souls and the ardor of the flame of fire causeth the pure gold to shine and the violence of winds is conducive to the growth and thriving of a firm and well rooted tree.
So the next time there is a blip in my ordered life, and things do not go as planned and I begin to feel sorry for myself, I hope I will remember Helvy and her blinding smile.
